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Friday, July 30, 2004 ( 6:45 PM ) Dear World, Well enough of my avoiding stuff, I'll just come right out with it. So here you go. Remember the old song that goes "I saw your mommy and your mommy's dead/I saw her lying in a pool of red" well that very song came true for some sorry-ass paramedic who had the jolly privelege of collecting my dead mother's body out of the car crash that hit her as she was coming home one sunny afternoon. Any regular readers of my blog here (if there are any- how would I know?) know that I didn't have exactly the nicest relationship with my mom. In fact I kind of hated her, mostly because of the way she ragged on my dad. It's not like she was some supreme goddess of ethical behavior or anything. Anyway I had to go back to Madison for the summer and deal with all this STUFF that I didn't know how to deal with but thank God she actually had a lawyer (I have no idea why) and the lawyer (her name was "Bethany" - ugh) knew most of what to do. So she dealt with the really (technically) hard stuff like putting Mom's house on the market and putting it against her debts or whatever... and not to sound crass or anything but I would have thought there'd be some inheritance or something for me since she was a professor for so many years, but it turned out that most of her retirement fund was in stocks that all crashed around the same time that those airplanes crashed into those big tall buildings in New York City. Or sometime not too long after that. Anyway there's some small bit of pension that will go to me because I'm an only child. OK this is making me sound really shallow like all I care about is money. But that isn't the point of what I am trying to say. The point of what I am trying to say is that "Bethany" actually had in her files a letter from my mother stating that I owed her the money that she once fronted me for a plane ticket when I had to go see my dad when he was still living in Ohio and he'd had a heart attack. She was such a bitch about it then, and it turned out that she was still being a bitch about it in the afterlife. I wanted to kick her. Because I had to go through all her stuff and figure out what to sell and what (if anything) I wanted and it was a bitch emotionally because I guess on some level it turned out I loved her and now she's gone and I'll never ever have a mom anymore and any chance that maybe she'd turn nice someday died with her. Anyway that is how I met Lili- when I was trying to sell my mom's clothes to a thrift store. I guess it turns out I was mistaken but I assumed that her clothing was "vintage." Lili was the girl working at the store who got to look at all the clothes and refuse them. But she got to my mother's underwear (I was still in shock, OK? Stop thinking I'm such an idiot) and she busted up laughing and I was about to punch her on the nose or start crying but something about her made me bust up laughing too which was my first laugh since she got killed (my mom, not Lili.) And so then my life got super-duper confusing because I was supposed to be mourning this person I kind of hated but instead now I was laughing my ass off at all my mom's dead I mean stupid underwear and then it was closing time and Lili asked if I wanted to hang out, and I said sure but I had to do something about all these clothes. So I ended up telling her the whole story and why I had to get rid of the clothes, but neither of us could think of what to do with them (Goodwill somehow did not cross our minds-don't ask me why, I told you I was in shock.) So, she got this great idea to wait until dark and then sneak around town hanging all the clothes on people's front doors and in their trees and stuff. So we decorated half of Madison!!! Well maybe not half of the whole town (city) but the area around the University anyway cause that's where we were. AND we didn't get caught!!!!! I practically forgot I was in emotional upheaval because I was laughing so hard. So then Lili came over to my mom's house with me and I showed her all the stuff I had to take or get rid of, and she suggested we bring everything into the living room and build sort of a fort. It was a completely crazy idea but that's what we did. It was so so so cool. It was like being kids, sitting inside the fort made of all my mom's belongings. Like we had to hide because she might come home at any second and catch us. We both felt nervous! So we held hands and the light wasn't on in the living room and it just got darker and darker, and we were giggling but it started turning into a nervous kind of giggling (as opposed to laughing our asses off) and so then we started making out. Well, I'm tired so I'll tell you the rest later. Anyway that is basically the reason I was gone for a really long time. I kind of was really really preoccupied. It's really a good thing that I didn't have a job and that my band was already pretty much defunct.
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