The Secret Life of Talula McPeach

...in which the most top-secret, mortifying events are chronicled for the benefit of the world.

archives:

( 12:36 PM )

Dear World, I mean use condoms. I don't have a penis. So I can't "wear" one except for on my head. Like a stocking, for robbing people and such. It would have to be glow-in-the-dark and not "previously worn."

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( 12:35 PM )

Dear World, I forgot to tell you that in August (which is right around the corner, in case you haven't noticed) I am going to LA because guess what, I got an email from this guy I fucked in college and his name is Eric and he must be bored but he asked me to come for a visit. He lives in West Hollywood I guess in a big house with about five other guys and he's in some kind of alt-rock band. Actually it's probably the same band as he had in college which is when I fucked him. We didn't go to the same school but I seduced him at a club when I was visiting my dad over vacation. It happened a few times. He was cute and cool but I made a point of not acting too much like I liked him because boys are a little too full of themselves especially when they're in bands. As we well know.

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( 12:24 PM )

Dear World, Yes, yes, yes, I know I haven't updated you on my life in... forever. Well, I went back to Madison for a couple weeks and hung out with my old buds and my... [ack!] MOM... I had to really work to calm her down, ended up just lying and telling her that I was only at the Dyke March to give moral support to a friend. She said "What about those girls I saw you kissing? If you can even call them girls... what is it with all these young women who want to be men?" And on and on. I told her it was just an experiment. She didn't buy it. So then I told her that I had gone out to play pool earlier in the day with some friends and had had a bit too much to drink and so I was basically coerced into kissing them. Well, Mom calmed down when I said that. Apparently being an alcoholic is less of a scourge on the McPeach name than being a pure, innocent lesbian. Oh well! I don't really care what all my relatives think. I'm not in this for the politics. Anyway, I did not really want to post here from Mom's Web TV (I don't even know if it's possible) and there was no other computer so that's my excuse. Anyway, since I was gone there is no news. Its just one thing. I never explained what I was talking about when I said virtual worlds were colliding! Here's the deal: there's this girl named Laura who I found online, and she has this cute blog where she talks about her friends and her band and her crappy day and she also writes pretty good reviews of shows in this area which is fun for when I don't get to go out to these shows myself. Once I think we were actually at the same show! It was the one where I met that horrible guy Pete and he messed up my lipstick and my boobs. So anyway, I've been posting comments on her site from time to time. (I would kind of like to have comments on this site but I don't know how to do it.) And remember when I went on that rampage at Nerve.com and collect-called all those guys before remembering that (duh) my ad said "woman seeking woman"? Well. Hold onto your hat... one of these guys turned out to be Laura's boyfriend. I found this out because he figured it out and he sent me an email. Weird. He seems nice though. And he's got two girlfriends (so far... I guess he's looking for more since he's got an ad up.) Did I mention that Amy has been trying to get me to read this book called The Ethical Slut? So this guy (his name is Mr. Crayon) says it's a pretty good introduction to what he calls "Honest and Ethical Complex Relationships." I guess I'll read it... I already borrowed Amy's copy but it's just been sitting in my "to read" pile. I will get back to you with an opinion once I get through it. I like the idea of not having to choose between people though. It sounds like a pretty good time! As long as you always wear condoms.

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