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Tuesday, November 23, 2004 ( 8:35 PM ) Dear World, Wow. Well, it was a guy's diary that I found and I read the whole thing. The good news is that I don't think I have to return it to the spot where I found it, because it was dropped by a mormon missionary who just came to the 'hood to do his rounds. Another wow. The bad news is I feel really sorry for this guy, although I do admire him. I've never read a mormon's diary before. First of all, it was pretty much the same thing day in and day out. He does not lead a very exciting life. And he's very very hard on himself because he occasionally looks at pornography on the web and he has a hard time getting these "thoughts" out of his head. He's trying to limit his recreational internet use to ten minutes a day, as well as do prayer and scripture study and 70 pushups in the morning. He made all these charts to keep track of his progress. He set lofty goals for himself and didn't reach them and then he felt bad about himself. The poor guy! He seemed like a really nice fellow. I wonder if he wouldn't have been happier if he'd just let himself be whoever he is. Or maybe it's by being hard on ourselves that we become really nice people? I'd be like the inverse of that because I don't think I'm hard on myself, in fact I allow myself many liberties, and I don't know if anyone would go out of their way to call me "nice." Not like I'm an asshole or anything though. Well the worst part of the whole journal was that he talked about his wife a lot and how much he loved her and how supportive she was of his efforts to improve himself. But she demanded to read the journal!!! Isn't that the whole point of keeping a journal or diary- that it's just for you? I was horrified that he let her read it. Because she of course read all about his pornography issue and stuff. She was nice about it but I still felt really sorry for the guy. His last entry said that their car was just stolen and he was trying to find all the bright sides of it but having a bit of trouble. He didn't go into the negative sides of having the car be stolen because he said they were probably pretty obvious. Well I have to get back to working on my novel!!! I'm totally way behind but I'm sure I'll finish it in time. I have till next Wednesday, November 30th, to finish it, and it has to be 50,000 words. Also, it has to be wrapped up. I can't just have it be half-done but get the word count. I mean I can, because they don't read it when you upload the manuscript, they just count the words and declare you a "winner" if you got to 50,000. It's totally a reasonable goal for a month, in terms of word count. That part's easy. It's getting the whole story together that's the hard part! I have many, many unfinished chapters in progress and I don't even know how most of them tie together. I know I have the whole revision & editing process to work on that, but it would be nice if my story made some kind of sense in the first draft. Well, given that I am going to finish it no matter what, be looking for it in bookstore windows sometime next year!! I'm sure someone will be interested in publishing it if I really do revise and edit it and turn it into a really great story. It's an exciting thing. My big thing used to be my band, but since it dwindled down to me and Amy and we haven't played in forever, and besides, that was and is just for fun and posterity, not anything we ever thought of making a living doing. Maybe in the movie version of my book Wicca A Go-Go will get to play in one of the scenes, but as much as I love music and I love writing songs and making music, I have to think of it as a hobby and put it second to writing. I don't have a "real job" for those of you who don't remember. I do this and that. I have my secret side business that barely pays for its own overhead. But I think I could make it as a writer and get paid for it at some point. I think I'd like to write subversive books for young adults. Well I'm a young adult but I don't mean people my age. I mean the 13-17 age bracket. I'm still young enough to relate, but I made it through adolescence intact and have many tales to tell. I hope I can be an inspiration to those who are struggling about what is the point of this whole thing, this Life thing. That's all I have to say for now... I have to get back to working on the novel. Oh, guess what though, I am excited because Rachel and I are going to go to NYC for new years again and visit Emily and Lili. It will be a NPFP reunion! Last time we were there, we made some money meeting people in person (I don't want to go into detail about this because some people don't know about it and I'd like to keep it that way) and I can't do that here because I live with my dad! Emily though had no qualms about letting people come up to her apartment in the East Village, so long as she had a guy friend or two around to play bodyguard. So anyway I'm hoping to do a bit of that again and maybe it will be a good time for us to figure out how we can take money online without using PayPal. As you may or may not know, our PayPal account was closed because they claimed that we violated the terms of our agreement. We protested that our website was actually an art piece, but it didn't work.
Comments:
Hey there Talua Mcpeach just wanted to say hi and i checked your web page out and thought it was cool. I would gladly buy some of yours but well am in the middle east and you know how that is when your far away from home you don't get mail and stuff like you usually do when home. I am in the service and was just scanning thru the net and came upon your personal page and i like reading what you have to say and what your about. I think your really cool and wouldn't mind hearing a good word from you and i see your into Wicca i am native american myself and still practice alot of my beliefs even thought main stream considers it paganism and such. Well to each his own i guess but i am happy who i am. But again i am presenlty in Iraq for awhile and far away from home to be in fact i am 7000 miles from home and like to hear what you have to say if ever. But it is better to have tried to say or do something then not. But i would love to correspond with you if possible so hope the next time you get onto check your page you see my message. I am definently a fan of yours even though i am so far away. If you would like i would'nt mind getting an email from you it's elkshoulder01@yahoo.com so send a message anytime of the day and like your lifestyle and what your about and wouldn't mind purchasing some of your underwear. So peace out and may the creator always watch over you. Hoka Hey!!!
Just discovered this blog. Amazingly "continuous" considering the time gaps. Went to the "other" site with the intention of buying something, mostly to help out your enterprise. And because it's nice to see something on web that is not run by some porn conglomerate.
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That diary sounds like it could have been written by J.D. Salinger. Rather sad to see how people have tied the notion of religion into such a tortured knot that they can no longer feel joy in their God-given humanity. (And it is people who have done this, although they conveniently claim it's God's will so we aren't tempted to *think* about it.) Anyway, best wishes to you. I hope you continue to write occasionally.
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